


It Wasn't Me

by softestvirgil



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-06-09 14:25:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15269406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softestvirgil/pseuds/softestvirgil
Summary: Thomas hears a thought that he just knows couldn’t have been his own, and he decides to talk to the sides about it.





	It Wasn't Me

After Thomas had a quiet night of script writing and hanging out with Joan, they had to leave. Once they were gone, Thomas was brainstorming a bit more while washing up some remaining dishes left from dinner, but then something horrible happened. Something that made the whole world seem to stop. A thought popped into Thomas’ brain, a thought that couldn’t possibly be his.

“Maybe I should just give up.”

The thought echoed in his mind. It was so hopeless and empty, it definitely wasn’t something Thomas would ever think. He wasn’t unfamiliar with being sad, but he wasn’t depressed by any means, and he definitely didn’t want to give up. He loved life. Despite all the bad, he knew there was so much good in the world and so much to be happy about.

After the thought, he was so startled that he began to shake. He then went to where he would normally stand to talk to the sides, and before he could even call them, Virgil appeared without even being summoned.

Virgil looked worried, which meant that it possibly wasn’t him like Thomas had thought. “Thomas, you need to calm down. Breathe in and out really slow.”

“Did you… hear that too?” Thomas asked, ignoring Virgil’s request. “Yeah, but it wasn’t me. I’m not sure where it came from.” Virgil said with a sad sigh, not looking at Thomas directly.

“I’m gonna call the others and see if it was them,” Thomas said before calling each of the other sides names. Logan appeared first, next was Roman and Patton was the last one. They all seemed fine, so who made that thought?

Thomas was still shaking and it was really affecting Virgil, but he didn’t want to bother Thomas, so he just sat down on the stairs and hugged his legs to his stomach.

“How can we be of assistance, Thomas?” Logan said curiously after a moment of silence. “Did you guys hear that thought?” Thomas asked while looking back and forth between the three of them.

“I’m not sure what thought you are referring to-“ Logan began but was cut off by Thomas. “It was… negative. Really negative. It was a thought that I wouldn’t ever normally think on my own. Which is why I thought maybe one of you made it.” Thomas explained looking really solemn.

“It definitely wasn’t me. I would never want you to think something like that.” Roman said and then looked over at Virgil. “What about Scare-ard Way over there, wouldn’t he make something like that?” Virgil just hissed at the prince and started slowly rocking back and forth. Thomas sighed. “It wasn’t him, I already talked to him about it. It had to have been one of you.”

“I am logical thinking Thomas, why on earth would I make you think something so…illogical?” Logan asked, and Thomas knew he was right. Logan was the least emotional of the four, and that was a very emotional thought. Which only left Patton.

“Patton, was it you?” Thomas’ face went pale at the idea of Patton making a thought like that. Patton was shocked that Thomas would even consider that he made it. “No! I would never do that. Sure I get sad from time to time, but I’m not even capable of making thoughts like that.”

“Then who was it?” Thomas asked, but he wasn’t really asking the sides. He was more asking himself. Could he really have thought that on his own?

“Okay,” Virgil said finally. “It was me, but just listen. It wasn’t meant for you, it was meant for me. It was one of my own thoughts that I accidentally gave to you.”

Thomas was upset that Virgil didn’t tell him from the start, but he was even more upset that Virgil would ever think something like that about himself.  
“But why would you think something like that? Don’t you feel accepted here now?”

“I do, but my job isn’t fun. It’s really hard to cause someone so much mental turmoil and still have any kind of self-love. What I am hurts you. I’ve seen it, and sometimes it just makes me feel really awful.” Virgil explained and when he was done, Thomas wished he could hug him. “It’s okay, Virgil. It’s not your fault what you are, and I can manage it. Sometimes it’s hard but it keeps me motivated and allows me to be as productive as I am. Don’t hate yourself for it.”

Virgil was quiet for a moment before he spoke again. “It’s just hard for me to think like that, but I’ll try to. I’m really sorry.”

“You can talk to one of us when you feel that way you know, Virgil.” Logan offered. Despite often being cold and calculated, Logan still cared deeply for the others, in his own way. Virgil shrugged. “I just didn’t wanna bother anyone, but I guess by not talking about it I did that anyway.”

“You could never bother me, kiddo.” Patton piped up. “Anytime you need us, we’re here,” Roman added. “You guys all being here for each other is so wholesome,” Thomas said smiling widely. Virgil was flushed red now, and he wasn’t shaking anymore.

He then thanked everyone and smiled softly, before returning to his room.

From now on the anxious side knew he couldn’t bottle things up anymore, and the others knew to check on him, just in case.


End file.
